Approximately 150 of us arrived at IQPC’s base camp on Tuesday morning.  Breakfast was served, an orientation was held and gear was passed out to help us navigate through the two-day Summit push that was about to commence.  HR attendees had assembled from all points, and hopes were high for an inspirational few days.

I arrived a bit late and hastily strapped on my harness and shoes.  I was placed in the back with a team that included Punk Rock HR‘s Laurie Ruettimann, HR Wench‘s Jenn Barnes and HR Minion.  We were so innocent in our ignorance of what was to come.

What started as a clear day quickly turned stormy.  We were pelted in the face with wind-whipped phrases like “HR’s seat at the table”, “strategic business partners”, “strategic asset” and other pedantic dribble.  Voices came from on high warning us about the eminent danger HR faced.  A few unprepared speakers slid quickly over a precipice, plummeting head first into micro-fonted PowerPoint chasms a mile deep.  Yet still we pressed onward, our hope not yet fully dashed.

Every so often an IQPC climbing guide would appear, the backs of their parkas slick with the snake oils that charmed us onto the mountain.  They smiled, but their acronym did not warm our minds as the temperature dropped.  No “I” for International, “Q” for Quality or “P” for Productivity was to be found.  We were on a fool’s errand but refused to stop.

The horn sounded for lunch and I realized I was no longer with my group.  Instead, I found myself sandwiched between an extremely angry magazine editor (“I got the CEO of Delta fired!”) and the group head of talent for Mastercard (“…wasting $1,400 on a conference – priceless”).  We made painful small talk and I used my growing anger to keep me warm.

Regrouping with my team, we saw the storm break in the early afternoon with the arrival of Harrah’s VP of Talent, Susan Hailey.  She was funny, pragmatic, engaging and did not bullshit the audience or talk to them like five-year-olds at a birthday party (“Now Johnny, you know it’s not time to eat recruiting cake yet…”).  Susan was from Silicon Valley and embodied the entrepreneurial spirit.  We resumed climbing with vigor and a sarcastic smile.

The day dragged on as darkness quickly set in.  If not for the yellow font against the white background of a presentation (I wish I were kidding), we wouldn’t have realized we were backsliding down the mountain of progressive thinking.  I tried to get my ice-axe to grab hold of an original thought and stop my team from mental free-fall.  

Exhausted, disheartened, frustrated and angry, we finally hit a ledge and slept off the first day’s events.  I’ll let Jon Krakauer paraphrase my group’s feelings post-Day 1:

“I’d been fantasizing about this moment, and the release of emotion that would accompany it, for many months. But now that I was finally here, standing [at the Talent Management Summit], I just couldn’t summon the energy to care.” – Into Thin Air

In Part II we’ll talk through the second day of the Summit push, highlight a few speakers who brought oxygen to the dying, and take personal responsibility for the calamity that was this God-awful conference.  Until then, let’s keep the conversation going.