For many it begins the moment Mom or Dad first releases our hands, eyes shining as we step into the strange and often unfamiliar surroundings of pre-school. Walking reluctantly away, this trickle of self-doubt may swell into a flood of uncertainty. Will I get along with others? Will I be met with kindness and warmth? Will I be accepted?
Will I fit in?
Some of us may have paused, eyebrows raised in concern and hesitation, looking back over our shoulders toward an equally reluctant parent, seeking that final little push that says:
Go on. It’s going to be okay.
And for most of us, it is just that – okay. Between victories and failures, years pass and we may still hear that quiet voice whispering its questions from a place we try not to visit. On some conscious level we wish we didn’t care so much about acceptance, about fitting in. Our hope is that individuality is rewarded and others see us for who we really are, not some cookie cutter projection of a certain sex, shape or complexion. And to stand out in some unique or distinguishing way we rebel against the so-called norm because it feels good – hell, it feels great! – and it works, albeit for a little while. But the paradox is always present… we want to be treated the same yet we often yearn to be different.
Eventually we find ourselves at the doorstep of our careers, assessing and being assessed, attempting to apply what little information we can gleam to determine if this organization is the place we belong. If these are the people we want to surround ourselves with. If this is the best use of our education, our skills, our energy and our time. And if we want to earn the trust and confidence of those in power, we desperately want to fit in and meet all their spoken and unspoken expectations.
It’s only later that we might realize that fitting in may be more than we had bargained for. And then the tradeoffs and rationalizations begin.
So what choices do you have as you balance earning a living against your desire to be you – the real you – in a work environment that both rewards and expects unquestioning conformity? For many, a double life is a real and pragmatic approach, the “work you” showing up when you’re expected to show up, expressing the right emotions for each situation you face and participating in a process that you truly believe (hope?) was borne less of design and more of necessity. But outside of the office? You’re the genuine article, the one who has untapped talents, passions and possibilities, the one who wishes there was some way of earning a paycheck for what truly sustains you.
But a double life can be exhausting. Employers are creeping more and more into your personal life, tethering you to always-on devices whose Pavlovian beeps and buzzes immediately return us to the trancelike state of work. The work you. The fitting in you. The one that earns the paycheck that provides food, and childcare, and vacations and a million other ways of incentivizing conformity. And we do it because everyone does it, and to not do it is irresponsible, childish and self-destructive. So we are told.
So you suppress the real you, push it down somewhere deep and tell it to stop bothering you with its ridiculous hopes and dreams. And one day, you forget the difference between the two “you”s, that this other you even existed.
I’ve spent my entire career watching the bright light of ideation, creativity and individuality be largely snuffed out by the machinery of the organizations we tirelessly serve. Instead of handing out performance reviews rewarding you for doing exactly what you were hired to do, let’s pass out two matches – one to burn the handbook that tells us that what’s expected is to be applauded and a second to spark true and sustainable change.
Take my hand as we walk into strange and unfamiliar surroundings of rewarding and promoting individuality in the workplace. And when your organizations pause, eyebrows raised in concern and hesitation, looking back over their shoulders with reticence, seeking that final little push, we can say:
Go on. It’s going to be okay.
It’s quite easy to become so intently wrapped up in ourselves that we scarcely notice those around us. It’s never been easier to be alone, together. Our minds may be active but our bodies are often headphone-laden robots with the world as our green screen. And as of late, the airport has become the ultimate assembly of the disassociated, an unsuccessful supercollider chocked full of self-absorbed atoms.
Although the economy shows signs of improvement, it can still be quite difficult to gain approval for that all-important new hire requisition. But despite these challenges, you’ve secured the req and you’re prepared to expand your mini empire. And after reviewing hundreds of resumes and interviewing dozens of candidates, you’ve managed to lock down a top notch professional that exceeds all your selection criteria. This fresh-faced new hire is ready to hit the ground running, but are you prepared?
As many of you know, 
For many months now I have sought a new home for our movement, one that carries the goodwill of our mission into a more tangible set of career management services. Core to a successful continuation would be a non-profit with the infrastructure and personnel to truly carry those in need toward the next destination in their own journey. I’m pleased to report that we have found an organization that exceeded all my expectations — 
During 
Personally, I’ve found that the closer you are to someone the more difficult it can be to confront their lies and misrepresentations. When a friend stretches the truth online regarding their life, work experience or accolades it’s actually quite challenging to pick up the phone or drop them an email to point out the error of their ways. Of course it depends on the severity of the infraction, but is it worth calling them out and potentially jeopardizing the relationship? I believe this is also extremely difficult in the workplace. Sure, you both know that that big project was a group effort or perhaps the revenue generated on that deal was nowhere near what they put on their LinkedIn profile, but am I really going to drop you an email or pick up the phone and start a death feud? It’s unlikely.
When it comes to social honesty I think the higher likelihood of outright humiliation comes from those who don’t know you well at all. Think about it – they have nothing to lose and many may revel in their discovery that you’re a charlatan. Lies are a misanthrope’s magnet and they will be drawn to the forums to deface you in the public square. However, because they don’t know you it may be more difficult for these distant acquaintances to uncover your Facebook falsehoods, LinkedIn lies and Twitter untruths.
The emotions attached to February 14th range from wide-eyed hopefulness and heart-pounding anticipation to downright disdain and overt hostility. As many attribute the same feelings to their organizational leadership, I thought we’d focus this month’s Carnival on our favorite Hallmark holiday.
That’s right, it’s the leadership development carnival of love featuring fifty of the sweetest posts from the past few weeks. A big thank you to Dan McCarthy of 
So you’ve decided to press forward and pursue your leadership development sweetheart with complete abandon. Yet still, there are so many questions left unanswered. Here are some shower-worthy items to ponder as you prepare for your big business date:
Of course, even the seemingly best planned leadership romance can end in an ill-conceived malay replete with hurt feelings and charged emotions. So if a bended knee to pick up a dropped napkin doesn’t turn into the organizational proposal you were hoping for, excuse yourself from the table and grab your cell. Aren’t you fortunate to have friends like these to talk you through it?
Now calmly return to the table and flag down the waiter – it’s time to wrap up this romantic rodeo. And don’t let your leadership date get all pushy or touchy. No amount of office flowers or sugary treats can replace the respect you’ll have from walking away. There are plenty of other leaders in the “C” and you’re a strong swimmer. Just remember…
Return home, pour a glass of wine, kick up your feet and breathe. You’re going to be just fine and it’s time to go back to basics and begin to look toward the future. You’re good enough, you’re strong enough and doggone it people like you!
Last week I was invited to New York to participate in an earthbound Gods of Recruiting mega-panel-roundtable-fireside-chat-student-teacher-conference-pundit lovefest. Entitled the “Position Accomplished Summit”, the event was hosted by the controversial firm 
After thousands of hours of forced meeting attendance you might begin to see the cues and clues hidden beyond the rhetoric. And once seen, you simply can’t ignore the tics and tricks used to masque or subvert your colleagues workplace fears. Although not exhaustive or even mutually exclusive, I believe the following three fears are real and increasingly pervasive; each have their own consequences and none are easily allayed:
4 Reasons Change Is So Damn Hard
His blindness to my gray hair aside, our conversation led to four reasons why he speaks the truth:
1. We’re Creatures of Habit – Tomorrow morning I want you to try a little experiment. When you step into the shower, try mixing up the order of your washing routine. Chances are you’ll fumble around and end up forgetting to rinse some nook or completely miss a particularly filthy cranny. And when you realize how futile (and unsanitary) this change can be, chances are you’ll go back to your old comfortable habits the next day. For it to stick, change requires persistent awareness and diligence.
2. We’re Stuck In The Past – Change carries the implication that the current state is no longer relevant. If you happen to personally be the catalyst for change, this requires the presence of mind to accept that what came before was flawed and no longer tenable. In the more likely scenario of change being thrust upon you, others are stating that the old way is either materially flawed or could be a hell of a lot better. Although it sounds like mumbo-jumbo bullshit, the reality is that change is a constant process, so whatever you love about the past will likely be dead and gone tomorrow.
3. We’re Part Of The Problem – You know that irritating adage that says, “You’re either part of the solution or part of the problem“? The pressure to come up with great ideas and solve world hunger while stopping smoking and losing twenty pounds can be a bit much at times. And then some jackass consultant/coach/advisor says, “Hey, all you need to do is [insert platitude] and you’ll be all set.” The truth of the matter is that sustainable change either happens from within or doesn’t happen at all.
4. Our Perspective Sucks – Remember borrowing a friends glasses for the first time and feeling like the world suddenly morphed into a funky, twisted mess? Chances are you immediately removed them and said something like, “Man, that gave me a headache. How do you wear those all day?” Your friend probably harrumphed, ripped them from your claw and wasn’t too pleased. When you look at a problem you might see nothing more than a funky, twisted mess, so find someone who can see the destination clearly because true change requires a completely new perspective.
Back to my friend the flying disaster of an executive. After two hours of conversation (and his third drink), I finally suggested that he quit his firm and move on. He patted my hand and said, “Friend, you are a wise sage” and then fell asleep. I’ve been watching the company for an announcement of his departure but unfortunately he is still there, cracking his head against the wall and likely telling strangers about the end of days. He probably hasn’t left yet because – let’s face it – change is so damn hard.