Remember that (not so great) movie several years ago which featured Tom Hanks living in an airport terminal? For the bulk of 2011, that has been me. And although I’m not exactly setting up camp at O’Hare or living out of a vending machine at Logan, I’m rapidly approaching 100,000 miles of domestic business travel so far this year. I know, I know… I live a glamourous life.
With the exception of the rare burst of wisdom from a drunken journeyman, much of my transit this year has been nothing short of horrific. Every trite travel truism you can possibly conjure has come into play as I’ve toured our great nation. As my frustration grew, I started to look for someone (anyone!) I could blame for my displeasure. It took a few strong in-flight beverages to deconstruct, but I’ve realized that you, fellow traveller, have behaved in seven ways that have destroyed my business travel bliss:
1. TSA What?
As if transported from an era when chiseled stone memorialized common knowledge, these wide-eyed newbies approach the security process replete with wonder and ignorance. “But I don’t want to take off my shoes.” “What do you mean I need to chug my Monster energy drink?” “A seven ounce tube of lube is against what rule, exactly?” These are actual words spoken by those line-jamming plebes who can’t comprehend the endless multi-media displays and government payrolled cattle herders surrounding every airport terminal. Welcome to the modern age and get it together people.
2. “Now Boarding…”
To you self-important and overly entitled status hoarders, I have a simple observation. Although you have chosen a life in the clouds over that of terra firma, stop acting like such assholes when your super-platinum-double-premier boarding group is called. Try and realize that the two dozen passengers you steamrolled with your siamese wheelie/laptop bag might not bow to your ascension to the top of the air jockey pyramid. Desperately crying out “Premier Executive!”, “Platinum!” or “Elite!” puts a target on your back that my venti latte may be magnetically drawn to.
3. “THAT SOUNDS GREAT!!”
I hate to burst the imaginary bubble you believe surrounds you and everything within a twenty foot radius, but I can kinda sorta hear every frickin’ word you’re screaming into your cell phone. Aunt Martha’s ass is still sore from her procedure? Got it. The big M&A transaction fell apart because the investment bank screwed up the valuation (with all firm names called out)? Bingo. Your client, the one accused of rape, was wearing a condom (followed by a big “Whew!” while fifty people wish you a slow death)? Roger that. You are in public. I can hear you, have a camera on my phone and immediate access to social media. Don’t make me break you.
4. Too Much Baggage
Welcome aboard and please be seated as quickly as possible so we can leave on time. Oh, and while you’re at it, pretend your overstuffed carry-on is a marshmallow that can be crammed into the tiny little spot that remains in the overhead. And if that magic trick doesn’t work, repeatedly slam the door until it breaks (which delayed my last flight), remove someone else’s nicely sized piece (causing a flight attendant to declare on a recent trip, “No way honey, get your shit outta there right now!” to applause) or just leave it jutting out and walk away. Passengers and crew alike are getting very surly and will jump on your ass in about two seconds on this one. And yes, I will laugh at your expense. Keep the entertainment coming fool.
5. Are You Comfy?
Ten minutes after takeoff and the little *ding* tells me it’s okay to take out electronics, and this being business travel, I need to get right to work by kicking open my trusty laptop. You, lovely person in front of me, decide that it’s your God-given American right to press that silver button and let gravity be your guide. And although I really don’t want the plane to turn around and jet fighters to scramble because I knocked on your head like a soft-boiled egg, how about we avoid the entire confrontation by you having a little courtesy for those behind you? Or maybe that’s too much to ask…
6. Lushes, Lovers and Losers
One of the beautiful (and occasionally nightmarish) things about modern air travel is the snapshot of Americana present on every single flight. Three of my favorites that I’ve recently encountered are lushes (including the drunk guy next to me who asked for two whiskeys and and shot of Patron, to which the flight attendant responded, “Sir, this is not a flying bar!“), the lovers (such as the couple next to me who nervously looked around while the woman pulled a blanket over her boyfriend’s crotch and they both started moaning) and the losers (like the creepy guy directly behind me who said, “It’s been years since I sat next to a pretty girl“, to which she brilliantly replied, “It’s been years since I maced someone on a plane“). By all means let your freak flag fly, just not in the friendly skies.
7. Get Me Off This Crazy Ride
Despite the first six eff-ups, somehow we manage to arrive at our destination intact and without bloodshed. Taxiing into the gate, cell phones get turned on, makeup is touched up, breath mints are popped and the tension builds toward the final battle – getting off the damn plane as soon as possible. Yet despite grade school knowledge of lines and the natural order of the seating, some people leap up as if cattle prodded, drag their 8,000 pound bag from the overhead and suddenly appear next to you with their chest heaving from the rush of it all. And God forbid the flight attendant asks that “you remain seated so that those with tight connections can make their flights“. Stay calm. Be polite. Wait your turn.
This has been quite cathartic, thank you. Despite my confidence that this is a good list, I’m certain I’ve missed some other gems which make your own travel a horror on high. Share your comments and stories below and I’ll see you at 35,000 feet.
Love your comments, Mark. However, while fellow travelers are so busy making others’ lives more difficult, I enjoy to bring some light-hearted humor to the flight attendants’ lives.
Whenever the drink cart comes down the aisle, I always ask for a virgin pina colada, pause, and then wink at the FA, so that s/he knows I’m joking. I then ask for a glass of water, no ice to keep the job bearable.
I am still laughing over “It’s been years since I maced someone on a plane.” That was kind of awesome.
The TSA thing kills me; it’s not like they have signs telling you about the rules in the line, or a whole website devoted to what you can and cannot bring on board. There is no mystery about taking off your shoes or liquids in your bag or that Bowie knife you absolutely must carry on for your flight to Kansas City.
I hear you Kelly; it was all I could do to not bust a gut when she said that! Re: TSA, sounds like you have a good story behind the KC Bowie knife. I wish this blog served drinks.
Yes, I understand you want your kids to feel responsible and “blend in” with the rest of us. But, seriously, when I have to remove ALL contents from my laptop bag, carrying cords and gadgets in my shirt like they’re fresh-picked apples and watch them take my bag under the plane – just so your wee ones can each tote along a suitcase filled only with a stuffed bear – well, I hope they lose the rest of your luggage. As if traveling with kids isn’t difficult enough (you know you get frustrated just taking them to the grocery store), you decide that the airport is the perfect place to load your entire family’s arms full of junk you don’t even need during the flight. Seriously, how much crap does a kid need? Tell ya what – give me your address and I’ll send you some Spongebob and Barbie stickers you can adhere to the SOLE bag you actually need to stow overhead.
That must have felt good Pamela. I had a woman traveling alone with four boys under the age of ten turn to me in exasperation and say, “Don’t ever have children!!” You’ve both made a compelling case.
Thanks, Mark. I’ll never understand why some parents opt to lug so much… Then again, I’m a simple packer myself.
Pamela,
What ever happened to one passenger, one bag?
Hey, you! Yeah, you… the one fast asleep, sawing logs so loud even the captain is distracted. Please stop acting as if you don’t know you snore. You’ve known for years. Just like you wouldn’t want to hear me singing “Oklahoma” at the top of my lungs the entire flight (I swear, it’s a disability of mine…), respect the rest of us and chug a few lattes before buckling that seatbelt. The flight attendant told me he wasn’t allowed to wake you. And we were all just a bunch of weenies and sat there, listening to your nostrils reverberate until touchdown.
Oh, and put your shoes on, too, will you? Your feet stink…
And no one had the guts to wake him up?? Several months ago I took a tiny bottle of Febreze out of my bag and sprayed the absolutely ripe guy next to me while he napped. Two full rows burst into laughter and the guy woke up smiling (not realizing he was the butt of the joke).
Nobody woke him. I was tempted, then was concerned what would happen, as the flight attendant had already told me that it was policy to leave him be.
LOL on the Febreeze… another thing I’ll never understand… why some people think it’s okay to not shower before flying…
I needed you on my last international flight. Could have febreezed the whole plane! Seems the non-business traveling euro and asia crowds are a seriously ripe bunch. Really can be horrific, but then again what people bring on board by way of food these days (along with some of the in-flight meals that we get) constitute a major assault on ones nostrils as well. Screaming babies and yakking neighbors no longer are a thing of the past, thanks to my BFF Mr. Bose and Mr. Nyquil.
Excuse me for snoring – I really can’t help it. They do make ear plugs – use them. Or better yet, buy a Bose headset like I have and you won’t hear a thing anyway.
OMG, I love this one! At what point do your own nostrils tell you that your damn feet stink? I know when mine do, its really a simple procedure to stop it, foot powder, its cheap, use it!
My most recent “thing” is the rule that flight attendants can’t help people stow their luggage. Really? The elderly woman with a cane who couldn’t be helped putting her smallish carry-on into the overhead compartment? Really? The woman my age with a broken arm in a sling. You really can’t help her put her roll-aboard up? Really? This really makes me mad when FAs selectively enforce their own rules. I see them help fully-abled people all the time. Why pick the folks who really need help to quote the rules? Burns me up.
This pisses me off too China. Although I don’t think it’s necessarily part of their responsibility, FA’s can exercise some judgement and help those in need hoist their carry-ons. The good news is that there tends to be at least one good samaritan every few rows that will jump up and assist.
One good samaritan every few rows… This is sad, also. The way I see it, no one should have to ask another passenger for help. It amazes me how many able-bodied folk will see that person having trouble and not step up to help.
Then again, I have doors slammed in my face all the time, too. Go figure…
Nope. If you can’t lift, don’t bring it. It is not my responsibility or liability to do for you what you are too stupid or arrogant to plan for properly.
Thanks John Mark. Finally someone besides me who recognizes its the passengers own responsibility to tend to their personal carryons.
So John and Mitch you are what is wrong with our world today. Everyone just cares about themselves and that is it. I’m sure you are the same people that drive in the lane that ends to the very last second passing the people that merged properly.
Wow, I’m so glad I read this. I don’t travel very often, but have a work trip in a couple of weeks. I feel really prepared now for anything the TSA, flight attendants, or my fellow travelers might dish out. You’re really providing a public service here, Mark.
As you know Janet, everything I write is simply for the good of others. Safe travels and be careful out there.
Nicely written, Mark. Unfortunately the truth will not set us free. BTW, I’m the guy in the row in front of you who doesn’t care if you’re in a full body cast. I’m reclining my seat.
Thanks Bill, and I hope you wash your hair because I’ll be using your head as a coaster if you recline into me.
As for the reclining… the way I see it, the seats recline for a reason… So I can’t auto-snap judgement someone who uses the recline feature.
I at least look behind me and see if the person is using the tray. I also ask, “Is it okay if I recline?”
Exacly, this is what a prudent, considerate person would do! No one wants or expects that you like to sleep sitting straight up – but come on, if the flight is full, have a little courtesy before dropping into someone’s lap. My husband is 6’5″ – we only fly maybe once a year so there is no elite class for us – and his knees hit that seat in front without it being reclined. All we want is courtesy!
Recline? Is that the word they use for the 2″ difference between staight up and “not quite straight up”? I can’t see that it makes any difference to the passenger in the seat – only to the one behind where 2″ in a 10″ clearance is huge.
Not a bad list, but instead of getting angry at people with status who are trying to board, which is one small aspect of business travel that makes it less painful for those who do it all the time, what about all of those without status who are Zone 3, 4, or 5 who are clogging up the area to the jetway? Sit down or stand back until your zone is called. You can’t board before then and you’re in the way of everyone else who is trying to board.
David – right on the money. News flash – all airlines in the continental US board by zones. No need to get up before your zone is called.
I hear you guys. Perhaps if zone numbers came in funky J. Crew-named colors it would be easier for folks to follow – “Now boarding crushed grape, followed by cinnamon spice…”
Mark,
Speaking as one of those multi-million mile types who travels 100k plus every year, I think you are being just a wee bit hard on “elite” travelers. Last time I checked, the status is fully earned the hard way every year and is a not a gift.
Boarding ahead of the rest of the crowd is now necessary to assure that one’s TSA compliant rollerboard will have a place. Thanks to the #4 excess and overstuffed carry-on crowd (courtesy of the airlines now charging a kings ransom to check luggage) the frequents are getting the shaft and therefore must rush to board before the general luggage deluge. Remember, carriers wait to the end to decide all the upgrades….thus making it even harder for the elites on all accounts. Another peeve is that when you are in the bulkhead all your bags have to go up. What is with the planes never having an actual bin at those seats that can accomodate luggage?
Your article reminds me of others that have sounded off on passenger and crew “etiquette”. Certainly I would agree that a Miss Manners of the Friendly Skies is sorely needed. For the record, I have never steamrolled over anyone, I always properly share the armrest with the guy in the middle, never recline without first asking, and will wake the aisle amazon up if they are blocking their neighbors from being able to go potty.
Happy travels.
You’re right Liz, I was a bit hard on the frequent flyer bunch. Given my travels, I’m a member of the same group and agree that’s earned through the unglamorous life of endless departures and arrivals.
What I really like about your comment is that you haven’t lost hold of reality and are still a courteous passenger. The last time I was upgraded to first class (which happens less often these days), I didn’t hear the words “please” or “thank you” muttered the entire flight. That really bothered me and I went out of my way to thank the crew repeatedly. More examples of how normal etiquette is abnormal these days. Great thoughts, thanks!
Here is a plan I have seen once in over 1mm of air travel, the gate agent actually had people sit in the boarding area base upon their zone. And they actually looked at carry-on and rejected the steamer trunks.
Absolutely love your comments and can completely relate. I have experienced the great majority of “instances” you describe during my business (and personal) travels. If only there was a way to educate those you so eloquently ridicule in your article. Any suggestions? Maybe a pre-flight safety/common sense video? Kudos for having a sense of humor! On a personal note, I once heard a TSA officer say with relief to the other, as they watched me pull my lap-top out of a bag, got my shoes and all my carry on on the conveyor belt, including one zip-lock bag of 3 oz cosmetics in one fast swoop “you see…here’s someone who travels often…”
You are a dream traveller Monika and I constantly scan the security line looking for those just like you. As for education, I’m hoping that Reading is Fundamental would go a long way toward addressing this horrific problem. Either that or we could get Rep. Weiner to do a PSA on “packing”.
Absolutely hilarious! Well done. Unfortunately, there are people out there who have no manners and could care less about the rest of us. The neighbor upstairs who blasts his music at 2am. The person in the hotel room next to you who wants to go see his friend across the hall 20 times an hour and who feels that slamming the door each time is socially acceptable. The travelers who show up late because they wanted Starbucks and felt that the rest of us should just have to wait becuase of that. It’s endless. You just have to laugh (and write hilarious blogs)
I with you 1000% here John. But holding a plane for Starbucks? Wow, that’s should definitely make the list.
It actually happened Mark. I was sitting there on a plane, wondering why we weren’t going. Then I hear one FA tell another that they have 2 runners on the way. A few moments later, here they come, holding their Starbucks and laughing at how they almost missed their flight. Too funny
Great article. Could add several to your list, but here’s a couple – delayed flights that are reset every 10 minutes (we’ll be departing in about 10 minutes–repeated 6 times. I could go back to the World Club and relax if you would simply own up to an hour’s delay. Or a restaurant. Or shopping.), and doofuses that can’t control their beverage. Whether it’s Starbucks, red wine, or a beer, if you can’t avoid spilling your beverage while talking on your cell phone, watching a movie on your iPad, and adjusting your footwear for the long 45-minute flight to O’Hare, buy a darn sippy cup. Or fork over $20 for the dry cleaning.
Tim, you nailed one of my favorites – the endless delay. “Attention those in the boarding area, we’re running just a bit behind today. Rested assured we have no intention of telling you what’s really going on, how long it will last or whether you’ll spending the night, but please stick by the gate as this message will repeat in five minutes.” And as for those with slippery hands, I’ve never seen someone offer to dry clean their victims clothing. There ought to be a law…
Personally, I loved sitting on the tarmac in an aircraft with a flat tire. Didn’t they know it was flat when we got on? Then we waited for a guy to come and fix the flat. When he did he hit the side of the plane with the tug and we waited for someone from the FAA to come and inspect and make sure the aircraft was air-worthy from a tiny indentation. They refused to let us deplane from this French-built Airbus (really small seats) all during this 3 hour delay. My husband who is a Tech Rep for Bombardier Aerospace was livid! The missed connecting flights (and the lost luggage) ruined our trip to southern Spain.
Oh but yes. May 23 @ DFW. I fifteen (15!) e-mail alerts from changes to my DFW-ORD flight. That’s 15 they did send out. It could have been 20. The flight was originally scheduled to depart at 1000 hrs. It was finally cancelled at 1530 hrs. Pretty much incompetence on the part of AA.
My favorite is all the people who insist on putting their small bags in the overhead, leaving no space for those boarding in zones 4-100… really, can’t the backpack go under the seat in front of you? My bet is none of them has ever had to lug a bag from the back of the place to the front against traffic so to speak so that their bag could be checked to the destination (and perhaps lost). And I will say on a delayed flight just recently the FA first asked those who were on board and had connections to raise their hands, there were only about a dozen on the full plane. She then made the request to those who did not have connections to stay seated…the most amazing thing happened… they did..stay seated that is… in 8 years of steady travel, this was a first… great article…
Nadine, you’ve broken the myth of “remain seated” actually working. I’m noting the date and time.
The small bag people also drive me a bit bonkers (and they are usually 5′ tall and carrying nothing else but a magazine).
Sorry I disagree. Check your bag and you won’t have an issue with having to cart it back up the aisle.
I’m more with Mitch here. When I pack a very small cabin bag, I keep it at the seat so I can access things during the flight. But, i have a medium-sized laptop tote. (Compared to most of the huge bags people carry on, you could call it small.) I’m not sure why I shouldn’t get overhead space just because I made a point of checking as much as possible and minimizing my carry on baggage. That is the polite thing to do.
As I often remind myself as I encounter one of “those people” – it’s obviously their world and I’m just living in it!
You and me both, Elisa. You and me both.
Love the article! When I travel for business, I really try not to be too frustrated with people that don’t travel often — especially if they’re at least acting like they’re anxious/uneasy. Plus, I am a mom who travels alone at least twice a year with a 6 and 9 year old. Trust me — you do not want parents to pack light. It’s for you that I pack plenty of options to keep my kids entertained!
You bring up some good points Holly, thank you. I do feel sorry for the anxious flyers as clearly their emotions are heightened to state of frenzy and they’re struggling just to get through the experience in one piece. They get a hall pass. But only them, rules are rules.
Terrific article, beautifully written. I also love the folks who try to outdo each other by how hard, long, or difficult their flights have been! (“I’ve been flying now for 9 FULL hours!” “Oh really? Well, I just flew in from Singapore…and boy, are my arms tired.”) And can’t we dispense with taking off our shoes? We got Osama bin Laden…isn’t that enough?
Thanks for the kind words Robert. As for the competitive globetrotters, I was sandwiched between two the other day, and one finally said to the other, “I’m taking my entire family to Hawaii for free, so I guess we really don’t have anything to complain about.”
Re: the shoe removal, I have two requests – 1) Please make security a dustier and dirtier area so my socks look like I’ve been working a dredger; and 2) Please take your shoes off if you’re next to me on a plane. After all, this is your flying living room and I’m an old friend who doesn’t mind your foot odor issues.
Wow, what a list. Maybe if you can get your self-absorption classified as a disability, you can force the airlines to give you your own personal jet under the ADA. Until that happens, why don’t you get off your high horse and realize that you are probably doing as much to annoy others as they do to annoy you?
Air travel is not much fun for anyone any longer, so rather than getting pissy every time someone does something you don’t like, just take a deep breath and realize everyone is in it together. Or take Amtrak if you can’t do that.
Sorry for the delay in responding Perry. I was actually riding my high horse near a calm lake and was narcissistically entranced by my own reflection. As I embody perfection and contain none of the flaws I’ve catalogued – and given the serious nature of this post/topic – I was trying not to get pissy as you’ve suggested above.
Oh, and don’t get me started about Amtrak (quiet car my ass). Thanks for your comments!
Your list is right on – and entertaining. As a fellow frequent traveler, I’ve found you must have a sense of humor in light of the ever-increasing lack of civility out there. I recently boarded a flight (Group 2) and put my carry-on wheels-in in the overhead, then put my briefcase under my seat and held my suit jacket in my lap. The lady next to me said “It’s good to see there’s still a gentleman in the world.” How heartbreaking that simply following the rules and being courteous is now an exception. Regarding the cell-phone talk, that is my #1 complaint about air travel. These folks must have a pathological need to be heard. I am tempted to take out my phone, videotape them, and mouth “sorry, my friends wouldn’t believe anyone could act this way in public.” If we all think of others before ourselves, it would seem that many of these issues would resolve. On the other hand, there are always the Griswolds from South Dakota taking their first-ever airline trip . . .
You’re a gentleman and a scholar Jeff. It is sad that common courtesy and a few simple actions cause others to take notice, but as a fellow traveller I thank you for doing so. And thanks for reminding me to cancel that South Dakota leg.
Excellent top 7 – Here’s another for you. Children who sit behind you and kick your seat all the way to your destination… How do the parents not see/hear that happening? I understand an occasional kick, however……
Excellent one Sandy, thanks! That’s a tough one for me and I’m never quite sure how to handle it. I’m 6’2″ with short hair and look a bit militant at times so I’m always afraid I’ll scare the hell out of a kid if I tell him/her to stop it. Any ideas??
Love all the comments. I am a tall and big boned woman. I do fit in my seat by the way. My comment is to the people who insist on reclining back and into my lap. I put my knees firmly in the back of their chair and squirm, trust me this makes them turn around. I put on my nice smile and voice and say “I am tall and have no where else to put my knees”. If that doesn’t work then I get up sometime during the flight and use their seat to help me up. Normally I don’t do this because I know how irritating it is. But heck leaning into my lap is pretty irritating, especially when we are not on a first name basis.
Nice. I am a tall woman also, however, I cannot sit straight up because of a back injury. Since the airlines continue to have reclining seats, you may wish to address this issue with them or sit in the bulk head seats or the seats in front of the emergency rows where the seats cannot recline where you would be more comfortable.
correction: the seats in front of the emergency exits do not recline so the emergency exit seats are safe from infringing on you.
Hope this helps.
Yes I try to get the exit rows as such as possible. Many airlines are charging extra for these seats. I have no status on any airline, since I live in a city that has SWA as #1. On SWA, I pay for the $10 each way early bird and sometimes I can get the exit rows, but not always. Today on Continental I could have paid $24 extra each segment ($48 due to connection) for a middle exit row seat. I didn’t because I thought that was too much. And I would have to explain it to my boss. The guy in front of me, reclined. I did not “knee” him. There was enough room, because I did check gate check a bag and put my backpack in the overhead so I had room for my long legs in the middle seat. Thanks for any and all travel tips.
Mark,
A few years back on a flight from LAX to MIA non-stop there was a woman (I won’t call her a mother) and her 8 year old son. Said son for 2 hours kicked the back of my seat and the seat next to me (yes it was occupied also), slammed both of the tray tables up and down, put his full weight on the tray tables, screamed at the top of his lungs that he wanted another Coke. Called the FA a b***** and the other FA an a******. The woman did nothing to stop him. The person sitting next to me asked politely 4 times to the woman to have the child’s behavior cease. I asked politely 3 times. The FA’s demanded he cease. Her response “he’s only a child!” So my response was directly to the FA’s. I requested that woman and child change seats with my seat mate and I. Even though we were originally in a bulk head seat and the child should not have been allowed to sit there the captain OK’d it with an FA in the jump seat to watch the monster. My seat mate and I proceeded to exhibit much of the same behavior on a much smaller scale that the “child” had. Woman begged us to stop. It was cruel of us to do what we were doing to her child. Yes, I will agree it was childish on our part, but the entire plane cheered us on. Moral of the story- curb and control your brat. And for those who think it was cruel, I am the mother of two well behaved children who started flying the skies with me at the age of 2 weeks. THEY were NEVER allowed the freedom to harass the passengers in front of them, beside them, or in front of them. And no I did not beat or abuse them in any way to teach them manners.
K. I love your strategy. It was childish, but, sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. I, too, have been victim of knees in the back of my seat and had juice spilled all over me with nary an apology from the parent. Being a new parent myself, I understand it’s difficult and tiring and stressful, but, really, watch your child spill red juice all down a stranger’s light colored clothing and not say a thing?
The lack of civility and manners never ceases to amaze me. An apology was the least thing that should have been offered. At best, apology- profuse, and money to launder or replace the blouse. But I guess I live in an alternate reality.
The list and comments are spot on. I travel a great deal, weekly, and there is one more that has been missed. The fact that seats are getting smaller and the people are not. Just last week I had a 2.5 hour flight on one of the smaller planes, two seats, but the gentleman next to me physically did not fit into his seat. His arm was in front of me, his leg squeezed under the armrest into my seat. And he wore really smelly cologne.
I close my eyes and ignore most of what I hear and see, but this made my flight miserable.
Thanks for your addition to the list Jack. I was on a similar 50-seater a few weeks ago and experienced something comparable to what you’ve described. The woman was quite apologetic about her size and very self-conscious and I truly felt sorry for her situation. I agree with the fact that seats are getting smaller and passengers larger, but what’s the solution? It seems unfair to all parties.
Believe me, I have a lot of empathy for large people and have a friend who has struggled with it her entire life. But when you look at the problem, who is in a position to do something about it? I have no ability to resolve the issue, the airlines have in some cases required large people to purchase additional tickets (though mostly they choose to ignore the problem), but then I wonder what responsibility do the people themselves have? This problem is not going to go away – http://www.sizetrackerblog.com/breaking-down-barriers-meeting-the-clothing-needs-of-plus-sized-children/
I so very much agree with the size issue. As a 5’5″ female with a correct BMI, I have to say I resent sharing my seat with the person next to me. I understand people are coming in larger sizes these days. However, I am not one of those people. I also did not have any thing to do with the airline resizing of the seats. I recently had a woman who was assigned to the seat next to me ask if I would raise the arm rest so she could sit down. I did raise the arm rest and she sat on me! The left 2″ of my thighs and torso was not covered by her (She was in the seat to the right of me). She calmly asked me to scoot over in my seat so she would have more room! I don’t mind sharing with others. However, if you intend to use my seat, I think I deserve compensation of the greenback variety for “sharing” my seat for an uncomfortable 5 hour flight! Since I could not possibly survive the flight, I asked discreetly for a seat assignment change. When the flight attendant came to give me the seat change, the woman huffed, puffed and threw a tantrum that I was prejudiced since she was “slightly overweight”. I wanted to tell her she was not in the slightly overweight category at appx. 375 lbs with a height of 5’2″, but manners prevented me from traumatizing her self esteem and body image of herself.
So with you K. The other thing is that when I see someone struggling to get their bag into the overhead, I always help. I think the really disturbing part of this is like the woman next to you, she felt entitled to infringe on your space without regard to how it would affect you …just as the guy next to me didn’t care that his arm was in front of my face. What really gets me frustrated and angry is when people feel the airplane is their own personal space and they don’t have to share or treat other people with respect.
I am a larger person and I’ve always tried to get assigned to a seat next to an empty seat, having a discrete conversation with the FA as I board. I’ve done this because I’ve tried to buy two seats but have been told that if the flight was full or overbooked, I’d have to give up that extra seat without getting my money back. Now I’m willing to pay for extra room, but not to pay for extra room and have it taken away from me without a refund. Perhaps things have changed, it’s been two years since I’ve flown.
Am I the only one who really finds it distasteful to see people wearing pajamas to travel in? I can understand comfortable clothes, even children in pajamas. But, comeo on, there comes a time when you have to wear real clothes. The pajama-wearers also seem to be the ones who commit many of the other sins you’ve listed.
I’m not a big fan of those in PJs either Natalie. This is not a slumber party and I definitely will lose confidence in your ability to aid in an emergency if you’re donning a matching light blue penguin outfit.
There was one other behavior I did not note in your list as fabulous as it was. Why does the person behind me feel that my seat is their personal hoist their body out of their seat every time they get up to walk the aisle way. I also love the people that have to use my seat back to walk down the aisle. I have long hair. Even with the hair in a pony tail, for each flight someone manages to pull it at least twice. I tried wearing it up for a flight. The lovely woman behind me managed to get the whole french twist of my hair in her hand when she hauled herself out of the seat! Of course there is never an apology for pulling my hair. I have chronic neck and shoulder pain and have started to wear my hard cervical collar for the entire flight. I has worked wonders for keeping people away from me. Most people cannot help but asking why I am wearing it. My response: “I had a suitcase fall on me a couple of flights ago. My attorney is filing litigation against the person who dropped their luggage on my head”. Nasty, but works wonders for the suitcase droppers and the hair pullers. Hasn’t seemed to diminish the seat yanking from behind. But I am hopeful for the future flights! As a frequent flier, we see it all. (gotta love the kids and sometimes even adults who have to push on your seat back all flight long, pound on their seat tray or kick the back of the seat too! Again, great list.
Ouch K. I have short hair (and even that’s going fast) so I can only imagine the pain of suddenly having your locks ripped from your skull by someone without the core strength to hoist themselves into a standing position. I believe I’ve seen you fly in your cervical collar as it seems to be a trend (and helps with wobbly neck if you start to fall asleep). Thanks for your comments.
A comment a southern gentleman once uttered while waiting for help at the counter comes to mind. He had been patiently waiting at the counter by the gate, a man rushed up shoved the 80+ year old out of the way so he could receive help first. Really, wait in a line! I don’t think so- regular people can do that. The southern gentleman looked at the “interloper” shook his head and stated, It’s your world- I’m just passing through. It was classic. However, it did not make an impression on the boar who shoved the gentleman. I doubt he even realized there was a line with 8 people in front of him. But shame on the counter help. They should have directed him to the back of the line.
I am with you on all of these as pet peeves, except for the one about elite status and early boarding. In my business travel, I have purposely picked the same airline or airline alliance for every trip in order to build up my miles and correspondingly, my boarding status. I’ve done this not for my own ego or to be like George Clooney in “Up in the Air,” but rather so that I can enjoy small perks such as getting to board first so that I have more room and time to put my stuff away and get seated. It just makes things a bit more comfortable in what is usually a really uncomfortable environment.
So if I’ve worked hard to get to a point where I am allowed to board first, I might suggest that the people who know they are in zone 5 and won’t be boarding for 15 minutes get out of the way and respect the boarding process.
Am I wrong here?
I’m with you here Mitch and stated as much in an earlier comment. You have earned your elite status – I’m simply requesting that you continue to act like a human and not treat others like human bowling pins. And yes, the Zone 5ers need to get the hell out of the way.
One big bugger… don’t stand right up against the conveyor belt when collecting your checked luggage. Breath deep, stand back a couple of feet, and approach the carrousel when you see your bag. Smart folks stick a few stickers on their bag to ID it. This way, when someone’s bag does drop, they don’t need to elbow their way through and throw their back out because they can’t stand firm to pick up their bag.
Forgot an idea I had. Airports should paint a bright yellow line about three feet from the carrousel stating in black “stand back until your bag arrives”.
Great idea. Let’s get the airports/airlines to do this. Start by suggesting it to SWA they seem to listen the most.
Glad to see you all resolved the carrousel crowders. Great idea.
You are so very right. Claiming your checked luggage is always trying. Can any one explain why those people who crowd the luggage carousel’s bags are always the last bags to be loaded on the carousel?
One comment, one addition – the comment is, as several others have noted, that the ability to pre-board issue may be as much about others blocking your way to the plane as anything else. I never call out my status as I try to board the plane, and certainly make an effort not to come into contact with anyone else. I do, however, admit to feeling a smidgen gleeful when the fellow who plonked himself directly in front of me as I was waiting a ways away from the gate looks a little put out when I have to (politely) ask him to move so I can board wihout steamrolling anyone over with my carry-ons.
The addition is the people who put both of their carry-ons into the overhead. I get that it’s not the law that you share the space. But it’s common courtesy! We’ve all seen the last few people who get stuck having to check their carry-ons because there isn’t any space left. Why, then, do you think it’s okay for you to stick your rollerboard AND your laptop up there? Yes, putting one of them up top and the other under the seat in front of you means that you’ll have slightly less leg-room. But doesn’t the other traveler deserve the same storage options you do? I’ve actually asked people who are putting both in the overhead if they meant to do that. They always say, “well, it doesn’t fit under my seat.” Really? Then maybe you shouldn’t be bringing it on the plane? If you’re boarding early enough to have space for both carry-ons, you fly often enough to know what fits where. That’s the one that really irritates me.
OK, I am guilty of this, and I use my status to get on the plane early to get away with placing my 2 bags overhead. The reason the business traveler does this is so we don’t have to carry on. When you’re flying to Tokyo for a weekend with 2 connections, the last thing you want to do is check bags. You want to be able to carry on. I don’t put the bag under my seat because I’m 6’2″ with longer legs than my torso and the airlines have decided to shoehorn us into these seats that are subhuman, and there’s no way I can do a flight like that without legroom.
We should all be pissed at the airlines and banding together against them, because we are their lifeblood, but we have no power to purchase the better seats because we are at the will of our employer and their need to control costs or self-employed and needing to control costs and the airlines know they can take advantage of us and they continue to push us as far as they can possibly get away with. And we keep taking it because we need to get to wherever to take care of business.
I’m sorry, if you’re taking your vacation one time a year or whatever flying, I have no sympathy for you. You can suffer your cheap Expedia airfare and check your bags the one time a year you fly. For business travelers this is a way of life and vacation travelers would feel the same way if they did it all the time.
That is all out of me. Obviously, I have strong feelings about this, and this comment stream proves our frustration with business flying. Hate away.
Oops, meant to say the reason is to not check bags. Too fired up to make sense.
I’ll focus on the overhead bag issue – I am also 6’2″ tall (more legs than brains, as you’ve likely sensed) but I always put one in the overhead and one under the seat. Then, after the *ding*, I pull the under seat bag toward me so I can stretch out my sticks. I admit that I get peeved if I see people double up the overhead.
Have to agree with David here. The people who take up the most overhead room never seem to be the business travellers. An extra laptop case with an appropriately-sized carryon is nothing compared to the casual travellers who hear horror stories or visit cool packing websites and think they’re supposed to carry on as much as they can.
Aloha Mark, what a great list. I just wanted to share a couple of comments coming from someone who (unfortunately) made gold status on three airlines in one year. The good news is that I no longer need to travel that extensively because, lord knows, it’s not fun.
#5 I think I’m considerate when I elect to recline my seat. As was said earlier, seats recline for a reason. If you have a bone to pick with anyone on this subject, it’s the airlines. I am reasonably certain their senior executives don’t fly in a center seat in coach with someone reclined in their laps. If they did, the problem would be resolved very quickly.
Next, I snore. I do know it, but sometimes staying awake on a 15 hour red-eye is just not possible. I don’t like that I snore, but don’t vilify me for it. Buy some ear plugs.
Lastly, let me add a pet peeve. If your children can’t hoist a bag off the carousel, have them stand back. I don’t want to brain them with my bag when I pull it off (after standing back, waiting for it to appear.)
Thanks for sharing. If only the people who should be reading this could actually read…
Thanks for the comments Matt (especially your last sentence). I agree with you (and others) that the airlines either won’t or don’t focus on some of the more obvious comfort and cost issues. The problem is that we tend to vote with our wallets and until we refuse to participate change is unlikely to occur. The challenge therein is that another alternative isn’t available, so instead we might compromise our status with one airline to pursue a better outcome across these areas of concern with another carrier. I believe Virgin America is doing a great job of changing the game but we still have a long way to go.
Tell me about it.. I’m flight attendant
would you like chicken or beef ?
Passenger: i want fish….
Brilliant Ala. I don’t know how you do your job without losing your mind.
How about the oversized passengers (greater than 300 lbs at least!) coming on a wheelchair to get in front of the line; then you see them getting up and doing evrything you can do!
I saw a trio of these people all about the same weight with each one taking turns sitting on the wheelchair….
I agree Cherie, and if you’ve ever waiting in a long line at Disneyland only to see someone who allegedly can’t support themselves jump up onto a ride, you’ll continue to lose faith in your fellow human being.
How about the guy who, the night before, ate the entire garlic and onion output of Souther Italy. You can avoid hi breath, but smell is coming out of every pore in his body.
I hear you Lou. This is why I travel with a tiny bottle of Febreze so you can hose down garlic boy when he slips into a high caloric coma. It’s quite effective.
These are all great though I don’t fly enough to be as frustrated as the writer. I hate it when someone comes late to the gate and expects his/her seat to still be available as they’re closing the aircraft door.
As I waited in the Palm Beach Airport for my husband’s plane to take off (he was flying Delta so I would never leave until he was airborne) someone who was doing the same thing told me this true story:
About 1 minute before a plane left the gate a man came up to the gate attendant to be seated. When he was told that he was too late – that his seat had been given to a standby passenger he roared and asked, “Do you know who I am?!” To which the gate attendant said, “No, sir, I don’t but I’ll see if anyone else does”. She immediately asked all withing earshot, “Excuse me… this gentlemen has forgotten his name… does anyone know who he is?” No answers of course. The attendant turned to the man and said, “I’m sorry sir. Know one seems to know who you are”.
Love this story Lauren and can only imagine how enraged the guy was once he was humiliated by the flight attendant. She gets a gold star in my book.
Is it just me or does anyone else wonder why people don’t go to the bathroom in the terminal before their flight? Every time I fly as soon as the seatbelt light goes off there are huge line ups for the bathrooms. Length of flight doesn’t seem to matter either. It’s the same on a 45 minute flight as it is a 5 hour flight. Did these people’s parents not teach them to go to the bathroom before leaving?
Maybe it’s the cabin pressure on their tiny bladders, Cris. The only time this has happened to me is when I’ve had to run from one plane to another on a connection.
totally hilarious! because it is so true! plebes that hold up the TSA lines, oh the torture! as for the creepy old guy… um that would be me getting stuck next to him… almost as repugnant as the time I had to sit in between two very large women who were sisters who were sneezing and blowing their noses around me in stereo while complaining the seats weren’t bigger. well, thank you for being clever.
I reposted this on our Twitter feed @jpatrickjobs
Ummmm. I have no idea what you just said
Ok this just happened on my flight to DFW from CLE, after making a successful escape from the crowded cabin, A strange lady came up to five of us who were traveling together and reprimanded us for not helping the ladies in First class with their baggage…. The only lady in first other than the one traveling with us was an elderly lady whom two of us did in fact help…. I’m above the cloud every week, I thank God that I have a sense of humor. Otherwise you would read about me in the headlines… “Business traveler looses his mind and stuffs short fat lady in the overhead” ” Flight attendants assist business traveler with the stuffing of a sock in woman’s mouth before shutting the overhead bins door”
Thank you for the laughter!!!
Thanks for, a) the great story, and b) not stuffing anyone into the overhead. Safe travels and watch out for stranger danger.