Although the economy shows signs of improvement, it can still be quite difficult to gain approval for that all-important new hire requisition. But despite these challenges, you’ve secured the req and you’re prepared to expand your mini empire. And after reviewing hundreds of resumes and interviewing dozens of candidates, you’ve managed to lock down a top notch professional that exceeds all your selection criteria. This fresh-faced new hire is ready to hit the ground running, but are you prepared?
Congratulations – you’re about to ruin someone’s life:
- Rainbows And Unicorns – Competition for truly talented individuals can still be quite fierce, so maybe you painted just a smidge of an aspirational picture of the company. The backstabbing, self-promoting, fiercely protectionist, meat grinder of an organization you call home might have been presented as a collaborative, high energy, entrepreneurial, work/life balanced utopia. Hey, you just needed to get her in the door, right?
- Welcome Aboard! – Because you have a busy schedule you neglected to tell your promising upstart about the back-asswards way she’ll be spending her first week on the job. Onboarding is a real pain and you neglected to order her computer, aren’t quite sure where she is going to sit, don’t know when she’ll get badged and are completely unprepared for her arrival. You’re largely indifferent toward her plight since “it’s just the way things are around here“.
- The Real Job – Once she’s finally settled in you get a chance to update her on a “slight change of plans“. The good news is that she’s going to “be able to develop some new skills as a result of a sudden shift in responsibility”. So, she should really get cracking because you need her to be up to speed on her new areas of responsibility in a few days. Everybody knows job descriptions “are just guidelines” and she should understand that in today’s fast moving market (emphasizing “fast moving” with rapid finger snaps) she really needs to be flexible if she’s going to succeed.
- A Self-Starter – Let’s face it, there’s a lot going on in the organization right now and you simply don’t have the time or inclination to hold someone’s hand. You hired her because she seemed to know how to take initiative so she should be able to navigate the halls of the company and figure out who knows what. And if she has questions, check with your administrative assistant since he really “keeps the lights on around here”. She shouldn’t worry – trial by fire is healthy.
- Mirroring – Your managerial style involves team conference calls at 7:00 AM, working though lunch, ordering in dinner and keeping your employees always accessible in your personal corporate catch-and-release program. This is what led to your success in this firm so there’s no question that weekend assignments, off hour discussions or cancelled vacations are the norm. If you can do it so can she, so she better learn your habits and clear her calendar.
- Miss Manners – What’s with these employees who need constant reinforcement? Thank you comes in the form of a paycheck, so she shouldn’t expect to earn praise or kindness until she shows you something unexpected. She’ll know if you don’t approve of her work and should spend less time seeking feedback and more time focused on her job. And yes, there’s always something better that could have been done.
Wow, it feels good to get all of that off your chest, doesn’t it? Okay, okay… so maybe you have a problem with turnover and your reputation isn’t stellar (per that moronic 360 degree whatchamacallit) but you’re a very busy manager and you get it done. And as for this newbie? Everyone needs to stop sweating it – she’ll be just fine.