The Definitive Response

My inane ability to shut down a conversation by providing the definitive response has become a bit of a joke in our industry. Now referred to as “pulling a Stelzner” (not my invention, I promise), it’s invoked anytime someone states their opinion with such confidence and false gravitas that the listener is either stunned into silence or too bored to care.

Although they’ll likely revoke my membership in the arrogant a**hole club, I wanted to share a few secrets related to the this absurd communication style.

Why It Works …

There are many reasons why this is so prevalent and effective. And to understand why, you simply need to deconstruct the word definitive:

• “To end a situation”: Sometimes you just want the conversation to be over. All the points have been heard, the protagonist and antagonist have weighed in and life needs to move on. Ye olde definite response will do the trick.
• “Authoritative and apparently exhaustive”: You’d like to render the listener mute and in awe through confident and bold declarations. In assuming a mentality of the final word you can overpower the weaker and self-doubting members of the conversation.
• “Serving as a perfect example”: A well formulated response can serve to summarize all the issues at hand and exemplify that the topic is unquestionably represented in the real world. Story telling is the most common means of bringing the point home.
• “Fully differentiated or developed”: This is when you’ve reached the pinnacle of mental exhaustion and the answer is now a truism. You state the facts and passive nodding verifies your working assumption of completion.

… And Why You Should Be Wary

Those who constantly pull the rabbit of definitive response from their verbal hat should not be trusted. In fact, you should use this as a warning that the self-professed magician may have tricks up their sleeves. Let’s call these charlatans “defininators”.

• Exceptions exist: For every definitive response there exists a counterpoint that may be equally valid. A defininator who cannot acknowledge that the professed rule might have a tiny asterisk (*) either is not a student of history or doesn’t respect the opinions of others.
• Insecurity rules: Whether in a classroom, sitting in a meeting or attending a conference, the presenter is often cast as the defacto ruler over the topic at hand. And what happens when the presenter is suddenly threatened by their audience? They become a defininator and shut it down. Many experts do not like to be questioned.
• Voice over words: If you have a high-pitched voice you have to work twice as hard to convince others of the seriousness of your point of view. If you’re like me and have a deep modulation to your speech, you can say just about anything and get away with it. Deep voiced defininator = likelihood of faking it.

So What Now?

Well, that’s up to you. I share this because those who use definitive statements will continue their behavior if left unchecked by the masses. Start questioning the given. Become comfortable pushing back against the so-called experts. Trust your gut instincts, and if something smells like a sham it likely is. Don’t let presentation style overshadow shoddy content.

This includes me. I don’t want you to believe what I say because of how I say it. That doesn’t help anyone and it certainly doesn’t raise the level of discourse, so I’m going to do my best to stop communicating in the form of a definitive response.

Do you agree? Have you run into this problem? Has this affected your life either personally or professionally? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going.