We’ve all heard the old adage – “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. This is put into our minds at an early age and reinforced in situation after situation, year after year. And like any muscle that goes unused, the development and proper application of constructive criticism naturally atrophies over time.
It should come as no surprise when as an untrained young adult you struggle to offer feedback without fatally wounding the other party. Or perhaps you are crushed the first time a seemingly harsh word is attributed to you and your work. This builds to a crescendo as you enter the professional workforce, with most employees ill-equipped to overcome a fundamental lack of education on how failure and feedback can serve as one of the most powerful learning tools available.
I believe this is a very serious issue in today’s workplace and have witnessed countless instances where learning opportunities were lost to the death spiral of critique. In my mind, this raises three core questions that warrant further discussion and exploration:
- Why are we afraid to say anything negative? At hand here is the “rule” that you can’t criticize unless you have an alternative solution. But in many situations, you know something is wrong without the benefit of having a counterproposal. So, its much easier to quietly acquiesce than insert yourself into the line of fire. Moreover, most people will go to great lengths to avoid direct conflict, so they resort to snide offline remarks, eye rolling and back-room politics to spread their displeasure.
- Why are we afraid to hear anything negative? Try as we might to believe that “it’s just business”, criticism is extremely personal. When you pour yourself into a project, a deal, a concept or a strategy, it naturally makes you feel defensive about your work and vulnerable to attack. Moreover, most of us do not have the benefit of working in a safe culture where failure is encouraged. When applied to today’s economic environment, it’s not uncommon to feel the weight of your firm’s success riding on your shoulders. These issues, when combined with the fact that people don’t know how to criticize constructively, form a recipe for a heightened level of sensitivity and fear.
- Why do we confuse “constructive criticism” with a free-for-all bashing? As mentioned at the outset, we’re simply not trained to criticize appropriately. How often have you been in a meeting or on a conference call and heard the phrase, “Don’t take this personally, but…”, followed by ten minutes of verbal disembowelment? Many people vent, attack and eviscerate under the guise of constructive criticism. And let’s be honest, bashing is extremely easy, so it’s quite comfortable for many to sit back and poke others in the eye. We also tend to model the behavior that’s rewarded, so if the Big Boss is a world class bruiser, there’s nothing to prevent the underlings from following suit.
So how should one criticize properly? I have some ideas, but this is where you come in. If you were to teach or model the appropriate behavior, what would you say? Is there a training module or technique you’d recommend? Do you have any nightmare scenarios you’ve witnessed? You’re a bright crowd, so share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below and let’s keep the (constructive) conversation going.
10 Comments
I used to conduct weeklong train-the-trainer sessions (format designed by another company that I had to get certified in) wherein 5 strangers would individually have to get up and teach a section of the program to each other. After their section we did a round robin feedback session, where we pointed out one thing done well and one developmental area (we stayed away from the word “critique” given the negative connotations exacerbating anxiety of having to get up in front of people whom you know will be judging your performance). We used a formula that still serves me well today in the business environment, which is simply stating observed behavior and outcomes. The trick is that many people are not specific enough when it comes to observed behavior (it has to be something you can see or hear), so the feedback comes across more negatively. For example, telling an employee they have a bad attitude is not stating observed behavior. Rather, the focus should be on what that employee did (that you saw or heard) to make you think it was reflective of a bad attitude. So the first part of the statement would be something to the effect of: “I noticed when the customer asked you about policy, you rolled your eyes.” As important is remembering to state the outcome or impact of said behavior. Too often we assume that the reciever logically knows the outcome, which is often not the case and leads to defensiveness and confusion. Focusing on the outcome helps to diffuse the perception of personal attack because now the feedback is around how behavior impacted something else (customer, project, etc.). So in our previous example you’d follow up with something like: “When you roll your eyes at the customer we risk losing their business.” The “advanced” methodology goes on to step 3 which would be either a suggestion on how to improve OR asking the receiver for a suggestion on how to improve depending on scenario. Additionally, if you know the skill of empathy, you can throw that in to lessen the personal impact and focus on improvement: “It can be annoying when you hear the same question about policy 10 times a day. Knowing that won’t change, what can we do to lessen the annoyance and ensure our customers are served respectfully?” I’m using some simplistic examples but I’ve used this technique for almost 10 years in all types of circumstances when I knew I was going to have a difficult conversation with someone or a group of people, and it works. It helps me focus on the issue rather than the person, and helps the person focus on improvement.
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Angelina…
Excellent post, Mark. Point number one in particular reminds me of the story of the ‘Abilene Paradox’, where each member of a group about to make a decision that every individual member disagrees with, all fail to raise an objection, and the ‘wrong’ decision is carried out. Each person fears raising an objection because they don’t want to be seen as ‘rocking the boat’ and raising an objection or otherwise criticizing the idea. So many times the unwillingness or perceived lack of support to criticize leads to bad corporate decisions.
My advice would be to try to instill an environment that not only welcomes all ideas, but also welcomes open and honest discussion of those ideas. Drive home the need to respectful debate and that it is ok to say, ‘I disagree’ and give your reasons why. Easier said that done I know, but that is a start in my opinion.
Mark, this is a great post. I think your comment “most of us do not have the benefit of working in a safe culture where failure is encouraged” is spot on. In too many organizations, failure is not an option and that culture kills innovation. And innovation is the only way companies will be able to obtain and/or keep market share.
Giving people language to use when giving constructive feedback can be helpful. I’ve found three simple phrases (which can be customized to fit most situations) work extremely well:
“When you…”
“It’s an issue/problem because…”
“What I would like to see in the future is…”
or
“What would be helpful in the future is… because…”
Mark –
You are right on. Feedback can be one of the most powerful tools for behavioral change, but we tend to dread giving it and receiving it. We’re not good at it and hard-wired (fight or flight) to reject it. I’ve written a few “how to” posts on the topic (search under feedback):
18 Tips for Receiving Feedback: http://www.greatleadershipbydan.com/2008/02/tough-feedback-tips.html
Tough Feedback Tips: http://www.greatleadershipbydan.com/2008/01/18-tips-for-receiving-feedback.html
I’ve also found the book “Crucial Conversations” to be one of the best “how-to” guides for how to have that tough love talk with someone. And I agree with Steve, Abilene Paradox is a classic for teams on the importance of speaking up.
Hi Mark,
I can’t take credit for it, but when I went through Pryor/CareerTrack training we evaluated each others speeches with this approach.
First, always start with “What I Liked Best about your speech, paper, idea….” (substitute whatever you are evaluating)
Second, “Next Time I’d like to see more……”
It’s called “LB’s and NT’s” for short.
Mark-
You got so many good comments already that the only insight I have to add is possibly why people are not good at constructive criticism. From a very young age, all we are told (and all we tell our kids) is “NO”. Don’t do this, don’t do that, you’re doing it wrong, no- like this. I rarely see a parent take the time to say “Great try kid, just turn this a little more this way…there, you’re doing great. Keep trying” or things along those lines.
If those messages are drilled into our heads as kids, it is really a mind shift to try to give feedback in another way. We have to be re-taught. Just my thoughts.
Trish
I could not agree with this article more! I love constructive criticism and wish I could get more of my bosses to provide it for me. It is the best way that I learn, but despite my requests, very few are good at providing with this information. The scenario I use when offering criticism to co-workers is: start with an overall opinion like, “I think the message of xxx gets across well in this article.” Then I offer some suggestions to improve it, i.e., “But I think that people would understand the initial problem more if you said something like xxx.” Then, depending on whether it is a co-worker or somebody I supervise, I end with my expectation for suggestions such as, “So, please make these changes and we’ll relook at it.” Or “These are just my thoughts, do as you see fit for the project.”
On receiving criticism – especially where you disagree strongly on its merits – its taken me 30 years to discover the third option (options A and B being to agree with it or to disagree). I look forward to asking people “Tell me more about this….”
@Rebecca – I really like your emphasis on observed behavior and outcomes. Thanks for your terrific thoughts!
@Steve Boese – Thanks for reminding me of the ‘Abilene Paradox’; it’s a powerful example. I also agree with the idea of “respectful debate” and would love to see more of it in action.
@Alicia Arenas – You really caught my attention with, “In too many organizations, failure is not an option and that culture kills innovation.” Spot on observation. Thanks Alicia.
@Dan McCarthy – Thanks for the wonderful links and the book recommendation Dan. Great content!
@Michael Benidt – We could all use a refresher on the “LBs and NTs”. Great comments.
@Trish McFarlane – I agree that we’re not encouraged to fail (and learn from those failings) as children. And from where I sit, the pressure for kids to do it “right” the first time is greater than ever. Thanks Trish.
@Laura – Thanks for your thoughts Laura. I love the fact that you actively seek constructive criticism (I’m the same way) but am disheartened (but not surprised) that your superiors are weak in this area.
@Sarah Knife – Hmm. “Tell me more about this” is a very disarming approach. Do you find the recipient self-discovers why you’re posing that question? Very interesting Sarah, thank you.