Hold the Door!

A female friend of mine was having a conversation with her female colleague the other day and they were discussing the etiquette and courtesy associated with men holding doors for women. The colleague saw clear and distinct geographical differences in the answer to this question, with Southern men trained as automatic door holders while Northern (particularly Northeastern) men seemed less inclined to notice or care. Both agreed that this was a polite gesture, particularly if one’s hands were full, and were irritated with those men who did not have the slightest inclination to help.

Cut to a conversation with a male colleague who went to a university heralded for it’s human resources program. The professor of one HR course went so far as to convey that it is sexist and inappropriate for a man to hold a door for a woman, and that in the workplace, one needs to be overtly aware of how such actions can cause offense. The conclusion? Avoid door-holding at all costs.

In her book The Etiquette Edge, Beverly Langford posed the following question to test your courtesy quotient. Which answers would you choose?

When you reach the doorway at the same time as a person of the opposite sex, the following rules apply: (pg. 13)

(a) Whoever arrives first should open it and hold it for those who are following.
(b) Men should still open doors for women.
(c) Women should open doors for men to prove they are no longer oppressed.
(d) Always open and hold the door for someone of either sex if that person has his or her hands full.

According to Landford, the answer is both (a) and (d), and I tend to agree.

That’s right – I say with pride that I am an unabashed door holder. As for geography, I was mostly raised in the Midwest, went to school in the South, lived in the West and now live in the East. I have never had anyone of either sex scoff at the idea of me holding the door. (If anything, I tend to get a little pissy with people who don’t say thank you, but that’s for another post.) For me, holding doors is just polite, regardless of ones sex. And sometimes, in today’s busy and impersonal world, one simple gesture can go a long way. Let’s keep the conversation (and door holding) going.